I don't care if he is my ex... I have the deed to his dick until someone else fucks him. We broke up 2 years ago.... I am still holding that deed!
he literally just asked me which v neck he should wear tomorrow.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
Yeah like at least with a penis what you see is what you get with a vagina there can always be a surprise inside
i was on the fence about his sexual orientation until he referred to his marlboro loghts as "carrie bradshaws"
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I hit on her. So did Sarah. Neither of us got anywhere. I swear she's asexual. Like Switzerland.
I bet George Washington got SERIOUS head back in his hay day.
I may puke in class so I'm excited to see how that goes
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Get over your kidney infection all ready. You have been sober for too long.
Randomize
