Oh please, I could turn a Vienna Boys Choir concert into a shit show
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
today was the first day of rush. talking to girls all day makes me sick of having a uterus.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
After he finished going down on me he came up from under the covers, threw his hands into the air and shouted "take that lesbians!" and finished with "and we have dicks!"
I walked into the bathroom of the hotel and she's in the bath tub with a guy she met a day ago. They were sharing a shrimp cocktail platter and shot gunning bud lights. Oh and it was noon.
I really wanna just be like, can you just eat me out and stop whining
I think that would solve a million problems
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The man who almost made us Eskimo sisters is getting married. Of course I'll be your date. We need to toast the end of his sex life!
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So i dislocated my knee but still went home and fucked his brains out. Nothing gets in the way of my sex life. NOTHING.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize