he spit gasoline on a tiki torch to impress a girl. he caught on fire but did get laid. success.
It's hipsters with their motorcycle cop mustaches, moccasins, douchey irony, and department stores to supply their independent conformity
Something's gotta give!
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
do you know what somber means? it's kinda the opposite of a kegstand
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I just remembered our "im drunk enough to look at your vagina" conversation. Is that offer still valid? I really think I need a second opinion
FYI, your girlfriend is on her way to the ER. She tried to balance a bottle of jack on her chest. Smashed toes, blood all over patio. Call her, kinda funny though.
so the photographer said "let's get a picture of the cousins" so we posed together, and then he said " lets get a picture of the couples" So we posed together.
they need to invent a card that reads "thanks for all those boners you gave me that you did NOTHING about"
Like we just had a bunch of sex and then he threaded my eyebrows in bed lol. It was amazing
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
Randomize
