The sky will open, cue choir of angels: "oh! wow! Matt was right! Not only will I grow out my bush, but I'm going to date straight, available men!"
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
When you're opening a bottle of tequila with a golf club, it's probably time to stop drinking...
He talked me into making a sex video, no worries though, I was wearing sunglasses.
I may have just unintentionally roofied a man in a wheelchair
I can only take thier stupid "I think beauty school is for me" routine so long until I have to bitch slap them with some knowledge
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
It's pretty fantastic. I just wanna know how your bra ended up in the aquarium the other night.
The lady at Walgreens was all excited my pregnancy tests had a coupon.
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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