I'm so bummed I missed coconut bowling. It's fucking cold here and no coconuts to be found
we went to that german restaurant and drank out of the boots. Then I threw up into one
Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
this dude just took some girl under your house for half an hour. you may have helped a 17 year old fuck on the beach for the first time. congrats.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
My dad just gifted me an alaskan flag he stole from the govenor's mansion. He said it was to hang on the wall at 3316, to start a morning ritual. Then he mimed kegstands and vomiting. Senior year will be epic.
Im also drinking whiskey while on a treadmill wearing high heels so let's consider that for a moment.
It was super embarrassing when I had to tell my brother, in front of my mother, that my wifi password was Drinkupbitches. Thanks for providing that lovely family moment.
His last Google search was "will sperm ruin the retina display on Apple products?"
If pulling your dick out counts as a hobby that is his.
I woke up to find I still had sequins under my tits. I'd say Sunday was a success.
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