Just soaked up some whiskey with a paper towel and then squeezed it into a cup for consumption. New low.
sooo i think when i get back from rothbury i should probably take a pregnancy test
but you would be showing by now. i'd just save the money and wait for a large crap in 6 months that starts crying. then you'll know.
I gambled and lost. Had to pull into a funeral home to clean up with a copy of my resume.
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
You compared your dick to a twizzler. In no way, shape, or form is that a turn on.
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Make good choices ;) This is your automated cockblock message
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
If Dave says he's going to have sex with her, he's going to fuck her retarded and turn her crazy. So run.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
I CRIED after phone sex. Am I gay?
Taking my underwear off at work was one of my better decisions this weekend
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I just thought about how many drinks I had last night and threw up.
He said it only counts if it ends up on the internet
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