I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
How many weeks is it acceptable until I can start bringing freshman back?
I'm really really gonna try not to at least one night. The 4 day thanksgiving bender almost killed me last year
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I may have played more drinking games with my family this last week than all of freshman year...
Hey do you have any hot friends that would settle for less?
Got into Princeton. So excited about the mommy-issue-over-achieving-cock I get to ride the next 4 years!!!
Nothing is working I'm going to die alone and on hold with a State Farm representative
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
