How's tricks little girl?
Trix are for kids, old man.
I'll write directions out on a napkin and slip it to him. Then say P.S. The UTI is gone.... that's not creepy at all right?
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I think I explained what happened in the voicemail. But I think I might have just cried and ranted about how cool osiris shoes are
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
What's sign language for "you may not be the father?" Kinda important right now.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
This is your morning-after text courtesy of your very confused friend!! :) To discuss "what the hell were you trying to tell me last night," press 1. To laugh over your drunken antics, press 2. To pretend like none of it even happened (or to respond with concurrent confusion because you have no idea), press 3.
Just cried to my husband about how much I'm going to miss my boyfriend... Maybe marriage is going to work for me after all
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
This is my life. Enjoy the view
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
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