I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
New low: just hacked my moms facebook
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I love my roommate; her alcohol problem, her proclivity for passing out on the living room couch, and her fucking awesome size d tits that can never remain clothed. Craigslist jackpot.
Yessssssssss. I got taped to a couch last night apparently. I also thought i was close to scoring after talking to some chick about hard boiled eggs
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
I just found out the guy that lied and blew me off got arrested, his mugshot is online. Life is good.
PLEASE. I won't throw up on the floor this time. Or fuck in the bathroom. Or dance on the pool table. So PLEASE.
I lost the back to your old name tag last night in a girls shirt. It got me a view of some titties though, I guess in some way you're still doing your brotherly deeds
Update: drank half a bottle of Bourbon and texted three ex's. Waiting for the roommates to go to sleep so I can raid the fridge.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
Randomize