Saw 2 former students outside gas station. gave me money to buy 2 12 packs, asked if I wanted to go to their party.
I told them I had a gf and took one of the 12 packs. Come over.
Texas should really raise its teaching standards.
Kicked off drink for Jesus month by puking in my mouth while talking to my priest...real cool
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
So drunk can't even tell it's my own house. WOaoOw.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
it was surprisingly calming to be rocked to sleep by his roommate humping on the bottom bunk
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
He came so fast i dont think he got it all the way in. He apologized and gave me his favorite baseball card.
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
In honor of Randy Savage we're wearing spandex and handing out slim jim's with option to suplex. Get behind it
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