WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I feel like i'm in "To Catch a Predator - The Musical"
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
I wish! That ended in 2001 when we all got collectively band from the Settle Inn. As a group we are also band from social events at the zoo. It's impressive really.
Unfortunately, the Bilbo Baggins adventure side of me that likes to go on adventures appears to be losing to the side of me that likes to smoke weed in the bathtub and watch Workaholics.
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Took three klonopin and turned all my jeans into jorts. I miss you
I just really don't even know what I would do with a boyfriend... Like do I just kiss it and then leave it in the corner? Like how often does it eat??
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
So, I've discovered that I'm approximately 70% nicer to my mother when I've had an orgasm in the last 48 hours. It's science.
Randomize
