she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
so my daughter wakes me up this morning and i feel like a vibration so im thinking she has my phone..nope my vibrator
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
Dude... there's chunks of hair all over the floor, and no one knows how they got there. You guys just made out right?
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I'm having a flashback of telling a guy that he was beautiful and graceful like a unicorn while playing shuffleboard.
I need to find my pants, a way out of here, and a cheeseburger.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
Why is it that when I sustain a serious injury people are more concerned with my level of inebriation than my personal safety?
You should just construct a mini-city, actually. Then destroy, photograph and post. Who could turn down a dick that conquered a whole city? Craigslist personals wont know what hit it.
He showed up completely drunk with a 30 of PBR and ten cans of Spam. I like this kid.
Randomize
