So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
We have had massive layoffs this year, yet the guy who cant flush his shit seems to still have a job
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Sharing a bathroom with a guy sucks. I always have to set an alarm for the middle of the night just so I can take a dump. Poop text btw
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
Nah. After about 5 shots he decided he needed to clean the gutters. We're headed to the hospital now so meet us there.
he thought it would be funny to put his dick inside a beer bottle and wear it around. until we all realized how small his dick would have to be to fit in a beer bottle
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
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