My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
I think I'm getting too used to throwing up in the reception trash can. It doesn't even phase me anymore
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
I hit a child with a fudge sickle from a moving vehicle after he flipped me off, I feel like a God. Tell no one. My partner didn't see it.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Randomize
