I'm walking behind a man wearing a womans shirt, heels, mens pants and a baseball hat
Scream out, "Tax-Free dick over here" in the bar. Ladies love tax free stuff
there should be a national holiday dedicated to how high i am
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
just watched the video of me leading you with a trail of french fries.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
Going to the beach. Greeting Sandy with a blunt. Wish us luck!
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm currently on an epic search all over the city for a drug store that isn't sold out of Plan B. I celebrated your birthday from afar.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
You know you have an interesting job when you go to work and have to Google search "How to get poop out of a dryer".
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
