Not good, Ive never been this late. We need to talk.
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Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
Yes but life is bad with poopy sheets
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Yeah, half my ass was burnt and I was missing a shoe. I'm blaming you for the shoe.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
you never know what sharing a kayak could lead to
It's true
He KNOWS ALL THE WORDS TO "JESUS IS MY FRIEND", I swear if he even tries to pull shit with me I'm becoming an actual nun.
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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