Loo but I'm already drunk TINIGHT! CAPS ATTACK
Hey babe, chan wants you to stop texting her about the size of TJ's dick. please.
I'm wearing an NBA shooting sleeve while jerking off...and yes my arm has stayed warm
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
Clearly it doesn't get better with age. Just more sexual
Literally just inhaled three cinnamon rolls. Sara is staring. It was inhuman
I was just lying down, dumping goldfish into my mouth and they like all came out I thought I was going to choke and die and people would be like damn that's so sad, she died laying in bed stuffing her face and reading kanye wests twitter, damn.
Blood work from physical was all good, apparently heavy alcohol use agrees with me
I have six new people in my phone that I don't remember adding. One of them is "Bourbon Yeah." Successful evening?
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
It was all going good until I realized she was wearing underwear with a butt flap. Mission aborted.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
Randomize
