I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
we may have ended up at a gay bar on accident. we're gonna work this to get free drinks.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
This morning I learned I traded my sunglasses for a Big Lebowski sticker at the football game.
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
Hey so when you left last night was i wearing shoes?
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
You yelled "NICE PAJAMAS" at a construction worker wearing a reflective jumpsuit while we rode past on a bike taxi
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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