Seeya bye Latvian government! Whammy!
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Oh no it's bring yor chld to work day...I'm too drunk for this
bro im too drunk for your spanish code words. did you fuck her or not.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
It was like bizarre-o star trek. I shamefully went where every man has gone before.
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
He never answered about passing his structures test no matter how I asked him. He did send a text saying that he would be "pouring alcohol into his head and balls" so I'm guessing he has to retake the whole class.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
Have a booty call at 3am, stopped for tacos at 2:30. It's 2:55 and I still haven't ordered but can't jump the curb to get out of line because there is a cop in front of me. What am I doing with my life?
I guess I'm famous. Hot lesbian was WARNED about me. Still hooked up with her.
I'll pay you to teach me.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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