someone threw a dead crab at me
my whole body is tingling just thinking about the orgasm hes going to give me
he started drinking at 9am with grey goose and pancakes. He IS my hero.
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
She had her underwear around her neck. No one can tell me i'm a slut now.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I'm listening to a women in metal station and wearing a flannel. I may have approached peak lesbian.
Randomize
