we sang an acapella version of barbara ann to his voicemail...i'm not drinking again until tuesday.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
You took shots of captn out of a empty percocet bottle, i just saw you fall threw the floor of rock bottom.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Is your answer to that text seriously a right parenthesis
You don't understand. He was so ginger that he could make red hair a dominant gene. And I refuse to torture my future spawn like that.
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
It feels so wrong having a picture of my tits next to a picture of my daughter.
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
He sent me a dick pic. I am fighting the urge to send him a "sorry for your loss" card.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
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