he was going down on me when he saw the warts...nevertheless he told me he had to pick his sister up from school. why does this keep happening to me???
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
This is random, but did i give u a handjob in the middle of the night or was that a dream?
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
And I don't know what it is about weed making me want every episode of the real housewives of everywhere
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Why did you not tell me that video snapchats are a thing? This is a fucking game changer for my mobile sex life.
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
Randomize
