my mother just offered to pay for my fake id.
I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
I think you blew our chances when you yelled "YOU SLUTS COMING TO THE TITTIE BAR?" in their face
I think theres a high possibility i could be flammable.
Somehow me showing up to/breaking into her house only to find I was a week early for the party became a night of weed cookies and sex.
We almost forgot to tip the maids, so we left the rest of the gin, some tonic water and a lime. They earned it
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
Maybe we should invest in one and when one of us wishes to be a hot mess in a wheel chair the other one will push the mess around to wherever it wants to go.
Maybe there is a secret pocket full of cocaine in that spiderman wallet.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
