Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
I texted her sayin "I gotta brush my teethn then Im omw" maybe hint to do the same
I wish i could sleep and get drunk at the same time...those are my 2 biggest needs right now
Shut up. It sucks being the ugly friend, I would know, but someones gotta play the role
i just masturbated in footie pajamas. there's no judgement here.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
All she said to me last night is that when her eyes roll back, to release my choke hold.
Romantic bubble bath turned into splash war. We can't be adults about anything.
So I paid for the taxi using pennies and hair clips, no need to thank me.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
I only want to come over for sex and blueberry pancakes
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize