So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
I swear if she hugs me I'm going to bleach my body
Pride was great cause we really can now appreciate how far we've come as gay people!
Doll, if you're still fucking strangers behind the WeHo Sonic while high on E then we've come as far as 2003...
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Why didn't you tell me that Dad was a registered sex offender?
We were going to tell you eventually, how'd you find out?
Our school resource officer showed us how to use Family Watchdog and pulled up his picture.
you proceeded to suck on ur pinkie saying it reminded you of chris and you wanted him badly
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I just want to make mistakes. Like stds that go away with antibiotics mistakes.
Need help. Super baked. Stuck on couch. Dying of thirst. Bring paint thinner or something to pry me off. Only thumbs and neck work.
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
This drunk girl wants you to know that I do actually like you. I'm not just using you for sex. I think you're cool.
What's a good pandora station to masturbate to?
Are you really surprised she can't remember? That's like 50 people. I couldn't rattle off all 50 state capitols off the top of my head, you're bound to forget a few here and there
Randomize
