life is too short to starve
life is also too short to be fat
I wasn't excited about it either, but if I was going to have her take a load on her face, role playing as some french dude is the least I could do
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Are you really this nice or are you just trying to get in my pants?
Both?
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
I won't drink with you again until you promise to not feed me anymore paper bags
Hate is such a strong word! I prefer to think that you strongly dislike me due to the honesty I show towards your routine shortcomings of success in life.
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
i can do like, 15 pushups. 20 if i listen to dubstep.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
Okay. Did I say I did anything unusual? Because I usually do weird stuff. Did I clean mirrors? My mirrors are really clean, and I think I remember having windex..
Randomize
