someone took a shit in my car last night and left $5 on the seat...
Dont worry, she is sitting right next to me. She is making it clear she wants to scissor
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
Two people in the coffee shop I'm at are on a date and talking about how acid has affected them and the girl just mentioned meth. Fuck studying, this just got interesting.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
making my second box of kraft dinner for the day. thinking about telling him how much you cheat on him so that you end up having to spend valentines day with me. i'm sorry its every man for himself.
She gave me head because I gave her my pack of cigarettes...And you said quitting would be hard.
It started with jello shots. It ended with tears.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
Like my new perfume? It's a combination of Fireball, sex and bad decisions.
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
Went upstairs to make PopTarts, found the door open. Shut it. Saw a grey thing. Opened the door, found a girl sleeping outside. What the fuck happened last nigh
Randomize
