And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
I finally got laid.. you said it wouldn't happen.
a garbage man just dropped off my phone and wallet. he found them in the trash this morning.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
i think i left a case of beer in your dryer
"too many" and "free shots" never belong in the same sentence
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
Setting up an obstacle course with ladders, hurdles, and a spring board to the pool. you down for drunk races through it later?
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
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