he had to fake a sneeze attack to hide the fact he came in 15 seconds?!
so its atleast an 8 for creativity.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
I mean, I'd wanted to go skinny dipping, hook up with him and have sex on a beach, so last night I basically killed 3 birds with one super slutty stone.
Don't judge me. If you're going to fall off a bed you might as well do it gracefully into a bag full of beer.
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
I fell into his fridge. I want to leave.
Just asked my roommate if she needs one of my old pill bottles to hold her weed during our move tomorrow. What has grad school done to me?
You stopped making out with some rando guy to tell him you weren't sure about your sexuality then proceeded to follow me down the street to make out with me
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
Is it bad I have to get shitty ass drunk on a Monday night because I can't adult?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
There's a big ass bed, hella ecstasy, and I can guarantee you'll regret every second that you remember.
Randomize
