captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
He needs to realize that there's a big difference between "I love you" and "I love your dick"
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
OMG HE JUST PUKED WITH THE DOOR OPEN WHILE DRIVING ON THE ROAD AND OMG WE NEED TO CHAT BUT NOT ATM CAUSE THERES PUKE ON MY PHONE
we've decided to start cutting you off when you can't figure out how to work an ipod.
I mean, I'm not looking for prince charming. I'm looking for the glass slipper of dicks.
in my defense i said 'lock up your wives' before going out.
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
you bleached my bangs. i have an interview later today and you assholes bleached my bangs.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
