omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
We got so high we made milksteak
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
My going away gift was all of them dancing around with solo cups on their dick and balls...these are my friends
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
So I got lost trying to find you guys and ended up proposing to a bride in a bachelorette party with a condom.
Impressive. I've never gotten straight denied and then chased the guy naked out of my own apt. I'll remember that next time.
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I told him I wanted to get on him and ride him to Montana. It didnt end like i thought it would.
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
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