saw you had $9 in your checking acct, left $20 on your dresser so you won't be a whore this weekend
I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
I'm buying this stripper a house, I don't care what her name is.
Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
only you would photoshop your dick
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
Suddenly I feel like all I did this summer was have sex in our apartment
It's like bringing a chick home from the bar the night before and waking up to thinking you are about to go another round... Just to wake up and find she's already left...
I like to play this game where I try to reach orgasm before my bathtub overflows....lost tonight.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
Nah it's alright, I'll just ride cock all the way to hell
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
