Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
apparently i'm not the first person wake up and realize she's ugly cuz i tore this house apart and there is no sign of my clothes
How far into the semester do we have to be before it's ok to get drunk in between classes again?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
There's a show on the Discovery Channel about T-Rex sex. I think this just made my life.
I don't know, I don't really wanna ask the question, "Mom why am I not circumcised?"
Were taking his cast off tonite. Need a saw and a gameplan. Meet us at rosies in 30.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
Make sure you wash your hands. That seagull you threw was very sick.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
Randomize
