Not sure what happened last night, but there are four mini bikes outside and some guy is wearing my shirt passed out in the breakfast nook. Won't be telling the grand kids about this one.
when did we get to this "texting at random" level on friendship?
dude that girl has seen more cock ends then weekends
I just saw a Kleenex commercial and thought about last night. I'm sorry about your hair.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Its funny that cleaning up pieces of water balloons and shot glasses every morning is becoming a routine
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
He wore pink swim trunks on our date and repeatedly insulted my profession, but his cat kept standing up like a person to nuzzle my face and I felt like a Disney Princess. I hate this dude, but the cat is too amazing for me to not fake interest for.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
