with her its the mind over matter factor, i dont mind and she dont matter
My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
I mean, he's dancing back and forth between pathetically sad and massively fucking creepy.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
He tied my whole arm, in its cast, to the headboard first. He mumbled something about safe, sane, and consensual?
I guess birthday shots aren't always the answer
I remember now some guy came over and hit on me and poured peppermint schnapps and chocolate syrup in my mouth. Pretty sure he was dressed like Santa....
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
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