I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
you didnt know i had herpes?
so when i dont talk to her she talks to herself...idk whats worse
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
He sent me an email apologizing for sleeping with her...and by that I mean he sent a picture of his dick to my school e-mail
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
You showed your tits for hundreds of beads but magically became shy when there was food on the line
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
We should try to put a bagel on your penis
As he put it in he shouted "geronimo!"
Wow... So was the sex good?
Yeah but it doesn't matter. My vagina is not a pool.
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
You literally snort drugs up your nose and you’re questioning the brand of the multivitamin right now?
Randomize