Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
I just saw a girl walk by me wearing a "kiss me I'm pro choice" shirt. Is that a signal for easy access?
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
Pretty sure that Albanian broad gave me something last night. Now we play the waiting game.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
When I eventually hook up with a resident lets refer to it as taking a hands on approach to my job
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
Wow i don't think I've had to send this many texts apologizing for my behavior since high school...
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I just want to make out with him forever
hitting rock bottom is getting taziki in your hair & simply putting it in a bun instead of actually dealing with it, just like your problems
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
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