we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
i forgot i changed ur name in my phone to "the situation" so when u texted me i got really excited for a hot second
i thought we decided on me being "the altercation" instead
another holiday season passes without receiving a dick in a box, where did i go wrong in life?
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
He woke up next to me, said I "wasn't naked enough" and fell back asleep. I proceeded to blow him.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Her boyfriend was hitting on other girls while drunk. But, she said she was okay with it because she is a feminist and she supports all women's decisions.
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
Just used the "Buddy" Poppy flower I got from a veteran to clean my one hitter. "I'm proud to be an American"
I apparently pulled his dick out at the bar and started yelling "DICK PICS IN REAL LIFE!"
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
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