is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
So I have to go swallow an entire zebra. Ur on ur own girl.
i was watching iron chef and got motivated, so i made dinosaur chicken nuggets
call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Just sit in your kitchen floor until something speaks to you.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
everything in the house taste like gin even the water, friday nite was a success
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Have you ever wondered if we are just made up characters in someone's head? You'll have to forgive me right now I think I have 7 thumbs
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
