Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
i yelled out "tuesday" during orgasim. he fucked me into 2 days from now.
hooking up with my manager sounds like an even better idea while i'm sober.
Welll when you have a beer at 8:30 am you've already decided whaat kind of Sunday it ism
What can I say, we hook up during the holidays.. We're a seasonal couple
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I am ina trunk. Iam in a trunnnnnjkk. I hope its yours. Oh manomanomano. Thids better be your trunk
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
I just found a ladybug shell in my underwear. What was I doing last night?
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
Randomize
