I just saw the girl you left with - Chris Hansen's looking for you
did you mean anything you said last night? i just wnna know
no
she was trying to give me a handjob in biology class while we were learning about the penis.
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
My cab driver just suggested I brush my teeth because he can smell "the party" on me.
I will pee on everything he values.
Even though he had a fractured vertebrae, the sex was still phenomenal. Better than normal actually. I hope the vertabrae never heals.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
I've never had goosebumps on my dick before. It was definitely not a bad feeling.
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
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