Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
I probably should have cut it off when he started putting queso on my nipples, but within ten minutes I was a self-serve burrito bar.
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
At this point I just want to meet a man with a job.
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
And that's why we do second round interviews for possible roommates.
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I just walked past a guy banging a chick in the back of his car.
I'll just say I told you so at your funeral
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
Randomize
