Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
having sex with you is like teaching a dog to tango, it DOESN'T work
I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I wasn't hungover this morning. My head just hurt because someone tried to suction cup a dildo to my forehead.
she made sit in a corner, drink nothing but water and told me she was worried about me because i picked up an irish guy at a taxi rank. says the girl who invented tequila night and fucked a guy in a park across the street from a sweet sixteenth.
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
