I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Tortellini makes me feel like I'm eating hundreds of little vaginas
Do you think flip cup during wine tasting is a bad idea? They're perfect flipping cups...
My living room is scattered with glow sticks wrappers, sparklers, face paint & beer cans?
It's not as cool looking when the drugs wear off, is it?
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
Im including "no monologues past 1am" in the list of apartment rules. Theatre majors dude.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
I'll keep supplying drugs if you teach me piano.
Why are you barefoot at a strip club?
I ordered from the drive thru as i was peeing on the menu
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
