Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
My "High Times" magazine came in today, as well as my girlfriend's new sex toys. We're calling in sick today.
woke up to find a pram in the balcony. first thing we did was look over the edge!
I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
2000 dollars has been put in for bail money. Also we're signing contracts
I happen to have lost a black t-shirt and the volume button from my phone last night. If anyone finds it. You know what to do.
sometimes when you're high at work you just have to say fuck it and eat the dog treats
Felt so good this afternoon, figured I wouldn't have a comedown. Wrong. Just realized I've been staring at a wall for 40 minutes contemplating the color yellow.
At one point my little brother was Rocky Balboa'd by a stripper's tit
Somehow I just turned an entire McDonald's bag upside down in my car and not a single fry fell out. The Lord really does work in mysterious ways.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Wanna get drunk and make some bad decisions?
Are you calling me a bad decision?
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
Randomize
