i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
you kept spraying the cat with water and then telling it to "man up" when it cried
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I think the taxi driver just requested me on facebook..... his name was george right?
I dunno. The only plans I have for sure after finals are smoking a bowl and eating a 5 pound gummy bear. btw I bought a 5 pound gummy bear
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
You give an incredible blow job. I wanted to make sure you know it was appreciated
What am I supposed to say? "Hey remember last spring when I did an ergonomic assessment on your office, well here's an ergo for your dick."
After dropping your phone on the ground you got down and sat with it, kissed it and apologized for being so mean
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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