I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
His penis contains the glue that keeps this relationship together.
I'm so hungover it hurts to blink.. oh sweet merciful Christ what have I done
I've spent all afternoon taking and editing selfies. The life of a bimbo is truly tiring.
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
If it were up to me his wife would never get his penis again, but I guess they have some sort of arrangement
Yes, an arrangement called marriage
I'll bring spiced rum
I am not drinking that devil juice
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