I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
have you seen my purse? i cant find it and my ipod is in there and that shit totally cost more than my abortion.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
I'm actually agreeing with glenn beck. What the FUCK was in that margarita?!
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
New BDSM fun fact. When you get spanked hard enough with a flat object, you get welts. Welcome to thunderdome, bitches.
I'm just chillin on the bathroom floor
Haha oh no
The bathroom floor is like my second bedroom on the weekends
I forgot that places existed where drinking on Sunday is frowned upon. It's just so unreasonable.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
Look, if a guy shows up at your house. He's short, name is Logan, has weird vertical hair, let him in, give him food, and a place to stay. He's on a ver important mission. And I am he. as he is me and we are all together. And we are the eggman, goo goo gajoob.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Randomize
