You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Your mouth is God's brothel.
apparently my drunken alterego is a lazyeyed bisexual.
Last nIght I drank wIth the new guy from fellowshIp & my pastor I've known sInce I was 7. It was agreed by them that I had nIce tIts. I'm not weIrded out In fact I'm flattered...
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
Puked on a Tom Jones impersonator on the strip
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
Apparently drunk me was getting hit on and i wasn't into it so i shouted "Stupify" at him like i was fucking harry potter then went to the pizza place next to the bar and punted some guys pizza box out of his hands. :(
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
he fucked me with his goalie mask on. it was like sleeping with Darth Vader
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
You do realize he's just an extension of his penis, right?
I know you want to take a pregnancy test, but could you wait until Sunday so it doesn't ruin our weekend
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