What kind of soap washes out shame, bad decisions, and whiskey?
Irish Spring?
Aunt Jean just announced that her pubic hair is getting thicker as her head hair gets thinner. As a family we are just not a people of mystery.
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
I'm watching this guy on intervention hospitalized for liver damage. He's drinking the hand sanitizer in the hospital room. Say hello to your future.
You never realize how many sex toys you have until you have to strategically hide them while moving out of your dorm.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
Breaking personal boundaries is my trademark
At a St Pats house party. Just raised $110 for two short chicks to crawl into a dog cage together. Video forthcoming. Respect.
It's been two weeks and I still have carpet burns on my knees. Well done.
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
Randomize
