oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
and then when she swallowed her birth control with a shot of vodka and looked in my direction, i knew it was time to go.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
I woke up to him pissing in their fireplace with fairy wings on.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I was so drunk that I passed out before I could do or say anything I'd regret. My low alcohol tolerance is like a guardian angel.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
Randomize
