Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
She washed her feet in the sink at white castle. I want this girl in my life.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
So I bought some random chick a shot she puked in her hands then I watched her make out with my roommate
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm sorry but you're choosing a girl that faked a pregnancy when you wouldn't return her calls over a more attractive sane girl who you begged for a chance with last week? God you're a loser.
Why even have a ground level apt if you're not gonna let me climb out the window? I hate walk of shaming in front of toddlers...
My sober self will be embarrassed tomorrow. For now I am laughing my ass off.
Orientation leader success, day 1: incoming freshman just ate out his first sorority girl. I gave him a 7/10.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Just for the record, I did not have sex in your bed. Happy 4th of July.
We took three cabs to get home, the first one dropped us off a block away, so we went back to the hotel and tried again
Randomize
