Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
My dignity? Collapsing on itself like a dying star.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
The bartender just asked me if I owned stock in Jameson. I've been here for less than an hour and he's already judging me.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
The amount of alcohol I'm going to consume on my birthday is directly proportional to the amount of shit I've had to put up with this past year. Which is a lot.
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
I texted him 3 days ago he said he was pre gaming for the Super Bowl today he just text" gtomajg kaka hee 48!!!"
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
A guy claiming to be the Japanese counterpart to the White Power Ranger is trying to take me home....
These flip flops mean I'm casual, but I'm here to fuck.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Randomize