Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
Is there a nice way of saying 'touch my penis or i dont really wanna hangout"?
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
In light of your oncoming completion of twenty-three years of personhood, I feel a pressing need to blast country-pop phenomenon Taylor Swift's hit single "22" in your general direction until midnight.
I just watched two grown men tickle-fight. Just glorious. No words.
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
