i got totally wasted at 2pm and cleaned the house bc i was bored. my mom now supports my alcohol problem
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I'm trying to have a "pick me up from my house so I can get completely annihilated night" any takers? Cmon people this is what friends are for
We got baked and watched the cheetah girls on Netflix
You need to not admit that.
Just remember my house smells of thick cut bacon and I have a big dick.
I'm at a nursing home getting weed. Lol when times are tough, things tend to get a lil weird
Swear to god our friendship has its limits. Stop peeing on the fucking refrigerator.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Aren't you proud to know somebody who texts you "manifold facade" while dumping frozen colada mix into a blender of rum
I may or may not be setting up an encounter with a foot fetishist just because I'm curious.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
