I told him I was pregnant. Figured it would soften the blow of telling him I had herpes.
Did it?
Not as such, no.
He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
She goes outside, smokes 2 cigarettes, and insists on walking up the 7 flights of stairs so that her heart stays in shape. this woman is crazy.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
I got my little bro high for the first time... Turns out the two of us stoned together is a mess. We spent 10 minutes trying to communicate with each other using just our eyebrows.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm a terrible person when I drink. I went from fine to not making any sense and yelling about cheese in like 30 seconds.
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
