So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
True Life: I hate vaginal excretions
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
Oh were you the stripper at that club last Sunday when i was trippin on acid wearing a giraffe outfit?
He just felt my tits to find out which piercing I lost.
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Well, I was arguably the most sober adult in the house by 1 in the afternoon, so I'd say Superbowl Shitshow was a success.
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