Dude why does my asshole itch so bad?
I'll teach you how to wipe better
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
Yah, I definitely wouldn't wanna be fingered with a fake arm...
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
we've coined the Sunday morning ritual of taking out our puke-filled trash cans as The Trash Of Shame
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
it's just not right when you're boyfriend has a nicer ass than you do.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
Omg I should get on tinder just to get some edibles in town
Randomize
