Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
Booyah. Found 8000 pesos in my closet and that's apparently 608 US dollars
I seriously just found a rose petal in my vagina.
The birthday girl is bringing her own barf bucket, it is going to be a good weekend.
It's one of those nights that you wish to god someone would booty call you, and then realize you'll just be stuck here with your poptart...
The yoga party turned into an underwear party because we are all incompetent when it comes to tying bed sheets.
This has been a Party Success Story
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Until you have had Country Grammar stuck in your head whilst writing a Supreme Court brief you've never lived.
BILL GATES DONALD TRUMP LET ME IN NOW
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
I'm sorry I didn't get you anything for your birthday
It's just you didn't get me the fucking bear suit last year
I doubt the gods of funday Sunday would exact such a high price... But it's good to know an afternoon with me is worth a left foot.
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
I didn't have any choice but to cuddle you. Your hair was stuck on my nipple piercing.
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