So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
i was so high i thought his mole came off and was flying around
$1.99 mimosas n bloodys til 3. Happy hour starts at 4. We're gonna ride the mechanical bull to kill the hour inbetween.
Please take video.
so i had sex last night with my 12th partner, but hes number 1 for my first time using a condom. i think im finally learning.
i believe i can now do shots of gasoline with no chaser. its been that kind of summer.
Yeah he's still asleep. I washed the blender out. He tried to make a ham-shake. Lets wait until after break to have that talk. I kind of want to see where this goes.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
Goddamn it Peter ur the only person i know who can make going down on a girl a competition.
She won. Twice.
She fell off the bed and giggled until she passed out naked. It was really weird.
Probably not gonna date her.
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
fyi: first time in five days i havent washed my birth control down with liquor. when are we going out tonight?
Call me Sherlock Holmes, bitch.
Randomize
