i woke up under my mattress pad with him laying naked next to me and his wwjd bracelet on my nightstand.
nice, that's exactly what jesus would do.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I was standing when I hit it. I barely made it to the couch before the walls started turning into people.
My new year's resolution was to squirt this year. I only have four months left. Help.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
Randomize
