I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
I love seeing you outside of a bar. It's like seeing a dog walk on its hind legs
Fuck positive energy. I choose drinking instead,
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
That white girl was surprised to see orange pubes around my black cock. Happy Halloween!
Welcome to the first annual slutathon and let the men be ever in our favor
THIS IS NOT A DECISION I MADE AT ONE IN THE MORNING IM JUST GETTING AROUND TO TELLING YOU ABOUT IT NOW
I found out his moms name, maiden name, profession, and office location, his dads name and profession, his home phone, picture of their house, all of his work profiles, and the cost of their house. All I'm trying to do is find his damn twitter
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
Randomize
