I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
Her father's a cardiologist, her mom's a lawyer...she just went from a 5 to a 10 real quick.
Somebody was walking their dog with their car. seriously
He fell asleep in the strip club and they paid some stripper $20 to sit on his face until he woke up.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
Put you drinking hat aside for Tuesday. My buddy is bartending!
I just puked in my drinking hat.
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
fyi, pepper spray hurts. whoever comes up with the best backstory wins a prize.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Who put the toilet in the living room? This is extremely inconvenient right now.
Randomize