just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Chelsea handler, $19 million - Forbes women top 100. Seriously she shaped her career around her love of vodka. HERO.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
Do pleather leggings scream im easy on a first date?
I just had a mental image of us riding a tractor through hell with one of those big guns mounted on top of it shooting at everyone while the indiana jones music plays.
Come get your pancakes and take a nap in my boobs.
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Right after i got done cumming i sat back and gave a big Ric Flair "WOOOOOO!"
Randomize
