so she proceeds to puke everywhere, look up at me like a sick dog, and then say, "i'll finish if you want me to."
if being creepy is wrong, then i don't want to be right
I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
I'm sitting at home, day drinking, while watching crossroads with brittany spears. I'm not the person you should be asking for advice right now.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
You in for a dick vacation?
YES, even though I have no idea what that means
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
The guy who's car I hit last night just followed me on Twitter...not sure how to feel about it.
How do we have all these hot friends who we never do body shots off of
Being able to fart in her presence and not be judged is why I pay half the rent.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
