Question for you. Are boobs and hands polarly charged, thus causing the inevitable joining of the two. If so are some breasts simply charged backwards
his balls ACTUALLY tasted like nuts
i'm pleased to announce i can now open a bottle of wine with my shoe if called upon to do so.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
so i just realized i am an alcoholic. I was making some tomato soup because im still sick, and put vodka in it. sad huh? lets go out!
doing a walk of shame covered in blue food coloring is only embarrassing if you make it embarrassing...actually no its embarrassing on all accounts
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
He is sitting on the foor in the soup aisle saying "to each their own soup"
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
I need a nap, Harry Potter movies, and dick in this exact order after work.
I supernannyed him into submission
Hard not to be concerned when you call me, tell me you've discovered the secret to flying, vomit, then hang up the phone. So yes, I'm coming to pick you up.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
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