Me too ba-by. I wanna bite your ear lobes they are so fat.
note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
My life is like a Sweet Valley High book but with lots of alcohol.
they hired a photographer to take a family portrait for grandmas bday gift. we just hired a male stripper. we are def the better grandkids.
I'm like 99% sure I made out with Kevin Spacey last night. Not good.
Just crossed the line from casual pregrame to public intoxication. Shotgunning in a bus shelter.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
Believe it or not I'm actually not the only person sitting in the back of the train covered in glitter and drinking whiskey out of an arizona iced tea can. Small world.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
You slept on a pillow of digiorno
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
Sadly my Summer of Cocks is coming to an end
Randomize
