We can get Dustin to help us. I think he'd be good at luring girls into a dark alley.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Two questions. One. Where are you watching election results tomorrow? Two. Can we have Obama victory sex?
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
Well, I washed his beard with dish soap and then I fucked him three times.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Oh my god I'm in a public bathroom with a space heater. I never want to leave
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
this periodpocalypse needs to be over. I need head
I woke up wearing mittens dude
I woke up in my bathtub with the potted plant from downstairs.
checkmate.
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