The spoon I was using to ice my hickey just fell out of my purse while i was paying at the liquor store. I look like an alcoholic with a meth problem.
nothing says platonic group sex like a campfire and smores
I've replaced the bottom of the food pyramid with alcohol.
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
I just need to know if he's either really genuine about being in my life or being in my vagina.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
fuck it. im taking monday off to do some Jagering.
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
it was cool until he whispered 'sounds like you need a good dicking' with a completely serious face and i just lost it
Masturbating to the DNC live stream. Not my proudest moment
It's official: I now only own one pair of jeans that I haven't blown the crotch out of. It might be time to put a stop to red wine Wednesdays.
You mean, in addition to red wine every-fucking-days?
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
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