just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
I got her a Nickelback box set.
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
Also, I just saw a woman change into her stripper outfit in the bathroom at Target.
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
He turned down a handjob. A HANDJOB. I know I'm no Jessica Simpson, but...
Actually, she's fat now, so...
Fuck. I AM Jessica Simpson.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
Mass texted booty calls to all the guys I've hooked up with this year to commemorate the end of the semester.
i wish it would rain vodka just once. i have not puked yet bring it on
Multiple bruises and a hell of a headache later, I have still to find out where the fuck I picked up the bottom half of a mannequin.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
Imma do four shots of whisky within two minutes and pass out. Otherwise this'll go badly.
I was a psycho gf all the time...I'm sorry
I was drunk 90% of the time...tit for tat
Randomize
