the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
I'm pretty sure the only race ive ever won was to my mothers egg
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I don't think there's a better bc pill reminder then when teen mom comes on
you were saying "i am the vodka queen!" and then in a different voice replying to yourself "all hail the vodka queen! you are so beautiful!"
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
thank you for letting me use your house as a brothel.
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
Trust me that one dick you don't want. It's like a whale... That's swam too many oceans...
We got hammered last night and I woke up this morning with texts from 'iron maiden chick.' wtf?
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
Randomize
