white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
I seriously have her in my phone as "Legit 8"...even I'm surprised
i took four shots of tequila, threw my fist up in the air, then went around the party showing everyone how to do the ninja turtle handshake. that's the last thing I remember
What's the address and code again...does anyone need anything and why is my viking helmet on the bed?
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
You know its an epic night when omar the garbage man gives you a ride home at 6 in the morning.
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
my downstairs neighbor came by to say he’s having a huge loud party tomorrow, handed me a toblerone bar, and said thank you in advance for your understanding
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