hi brent please bring bad word music cd must most bad word please brent bring cd music bad word please brent bring cd music bad word
I just passed one of the bars and saw my mom kissing another woman. This can't be good....right?
Knowing your life, probably not.
So my Christmas cards this year will be my mug shot with my kids face photo shopped next to me....too ghetto?
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
Well good for him for getting your number before he told you he had no money and needed you to pay for his drink!
Dan I was a mess I made out with a 40 yr old who gave me a wad of cash for Christmas. Like wtf
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
Randomize
