Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
Yeah someone just put a trash bag that says "use protection" on the snow penis
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
You pulled me aside and handed me a plastic childrens' tea cup full of 151 and said "trust me its a great idea"
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
no, I didn't go in the end. Too hungover and hot, plus Star Wars is on so obviously I'm having a naked day.
That's the only way to get approved without a guarantor.
WHAT DOES THAT MEAN WHAT FUCKING LANGUAGE ARE YOU SPEAKING
We were gonna go out drinking tonight but she found out she's pregnant so are you free
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
Randomize
