i love that when i tell my kids and grandkids about how we first met it will be about this little thing called a "poke" on facebook
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
Dude cabbage spilt on the floor, and now danielles rolling it. Happy st party's day.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
When I say drunk I mean that in the process of filming a fratstar cooking show they threw a keg into the street where the police came to clean it up. now all they can say is "THE KEG GOT ARRESTED."
He's sitting in his room on Facebook with nothing but a pillow covering his crotch. I can't help you at the moment.
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I'm horny too so maybe we will both recap our regrets on Sunday
If it makes you feel any better they literally are drinking alcohol out of a toilet. They are serving drinks out of a nasty ass toilet...!
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
