he saw my "i like bacon" magnet on the fridge and i told him how much i love meat, then we started making out
what a beautiful fairy tale
I like the name aiden. he likes stella. I told him they're coming out of my vagina, and I will name them what I damn well please. Stella goes.
I just puked in an auto zone parking lot. I'm never eating peanut butter and red wine for dinner again.
It is obvious to me now why clam chowder & beer aren't a good combo.
she just came into my room, drunkenly shoved six dollars into my bra and told me to spend it on chicken wings.
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
i jsut waqnnna hugg thw crap outa sokme peoplee
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
Well it's official, last night I hooked up with the third girl from the apartment downstairs.
Dude that's a hat trick!
I know, I tossed my hat on the floor as I was walking out.
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
The more I think about it, the more convinced I am that I'm the solution to all of T-Swift's guy problems.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
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