I woke up, mistook him for my ex, and started screaming. It was all that chest hair. I don't think this relationship is going anywhere.
If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
Her stripper name is Geico. I'm not drunk or creative enough to make this up.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I think I'd be more bothered by his cross dressing if I wasn't secretly into women..,
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
I have a hook up buddy in Abiquiu. He lives next to a Chipotle; that's the only reason I see him.
I'm the kind of gay who carries his anxiety medication in case the club scene gets too fierce
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
Randomize
